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April 2017
Sexology
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THE FIRST TIME

Questions & answers

Thinking about having sex for the first time always creates mixed feelings of curiosity, worry, uncertainty and even fear which can work against the atmosphere and quality of the experience.

This is all caused by psychological and emotional reasoning, as well as by the cultural context that the individual lives in and the religious beliefs he/she practises. However, this experience is a very special moment in everyone’s life and it should be faced with calmness and the desire to want to do it and want to participate, following your internal instincts because, even though having sex for the first time may create feelings of prohibition and guilt, feeling like you are obliged to do it will create equally as bad feelings inside of you.

For adolescent males...

...having sex for the first time can be perceived as a compulsory form of initiation, which can actually disregard the emotional and affectionate relationship they have with their partner.

For adolescent girls...

...having sex for the first time can be experienced without true willingness since their partners may blackmail them. In fact, it is not uncommon that girls are pressured into their first time as a way to ‘prove’ how much they love their partner. This type of ‘proof’ is actually shown through other types of behaviour though, and there is no real right time to have sex for the first time, nor is there a particularly right age at which to do it.

What is necessary though, is that this important part of one’s sex life is approved by all the people involved. Thus it will depend on the level of personal growth, the type of relationship one has with his/her partner and the meaning that sexuality and, above all, the first time have during certain periods in life. Those who do not feel ready to experiment with sex should not push themselves to do it nor let themselves be pushed into doing it. Quite often the following times usually depend a lot on that first experience. What is more, the emotional storm that is associated with the first few times one has sex often leads on to neglecting certain aspects of the sexual act, like using contraception and protection against sexually transmitted diseases. Putting yourself in a position to have sex for the first time also means that you are aware of the risks that come with it and that you know how to make sure you can avoid them.

The first time is an experience that should be perfectly in sync with your emotions, personal timing, willingness, desire and something a bit less exciting but very important: a condom.

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